It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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