U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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