i just had sex bonerless
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
