the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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