Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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