I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
