So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
