Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize