Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
