you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
