I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Holy shit dude........stairs
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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