a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
