Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Still dying that you shit outside
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
