I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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