just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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