I hate all girls vehemently.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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