She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
