thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize