The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
