You can't motorboat a personality
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize