I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
