dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If its not for food we ain't going out.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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