God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
