There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
