Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
