I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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