Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
