I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
