I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
