dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
