I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
