Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
