it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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