Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
