3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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