Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
