Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
