clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
