i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
