Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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