there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize