He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
