she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize