Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
