New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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