It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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