I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
