Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
