Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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