No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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