why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize