Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize