i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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