a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
