I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
