a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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