I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
