im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
