Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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