yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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