I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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