oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
