I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
