So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
