So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's like iHOP with fire
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
