Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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