Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
