I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
